last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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