I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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