it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
