The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
