I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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