my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize