Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
porn star boner night. come get it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
