Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
