one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
