The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
