Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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