You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
