1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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