i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
