We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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