the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
