He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
