I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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