Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
