ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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