upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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