I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
