only you would photoshop your dick
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
