You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
