I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
