you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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