At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
