I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
