Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
