I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
