Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's blow job season.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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