She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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