cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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