No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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