i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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