Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
