soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
