i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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You. Win. At. Life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
