you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
