and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
