I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
