kristin has been a bad kristin
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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