I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
