More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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