Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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