hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
