The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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