Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
