I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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