You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize