the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
