She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
