do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
