Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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