are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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