those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize