So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
