I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
