Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
