We won't sleep together?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Your dad touched me again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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