I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
