Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize