i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Randomize
