Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
