She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
