Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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