Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
