she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
