Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
