i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
