Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the condom got lost in my hair
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
