The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize