what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i drank out of a bidet.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
