Have you finally orgasmed yet?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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