he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
