Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
