where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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