Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So squirting runs in the family.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
