My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
