I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
