how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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