We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
