Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
