a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
