saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
