the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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