Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
