I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
