Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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