Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
