He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
