I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
